Dating it’s a piece of cake

By Alice Dore-Jones

The life of a dating lady can be hard.  Figuring guys out can be tricky and keeping your sanity on the rollercoaster that is meeting new people can be difficult. If only you could find your life-partner with the ease you choose your favourite slice of cake… Well maybe you can!

Always here to offer a helping hand CHALK has come up with a handy dessert based guide to assist you when navigating your way through the dating scene.  Armed with this knowledge you’ll see dating really is a piece of cake…

Ice Cream Cake

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This guy is fun, cheerful and brings out the kid in you. You might even say he’s pretty darn cool. Summer is his time to shine and everyone is happy to see him when the sun it out. But alas, he is not a keeper. Unfortunately, he’s not really stable and is prone to a melt down. When he has it together he’ll be the life of the party but things will get messy towards the end and you’ll grow tired of his childish ways.

Verdict- Summer fling

Mud Cake

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Meet Mr nice guy. You’re not going to get any crazy surprises from this one, he is Mr dependable. He fits in everywhere he goes. From a BBQ with friends to a fancy night out- he’ll fit the scene.  He’s the sort of guy your friends all want to see you with and of course your parents are going to be thrilled he’s in your life. He is reliable, rich (but not too rich) and indulges you. He comes in many varieties but you’ll know him for his smooth nature and love that he’s not flakey in anyway. He really is best suited to someone that wants to be in a relationship, as he doesn’t really work solo and really needs a partner to bring out the best in him.

Verdict- Your mum dreams of this one and if you’re ready to be his ice-cream then this could be perfection.

Deconstructed pavlova

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He’s totally Oz but in a modern way. While his weekends will be filled with surfing, fishing and sun chasing don’t be fooled into thinking he’s too blokey. He has a great wardrobe, watches documenteries on netflix and he loves to entertain. When he cooks a BBQ it’s more a mexican feast with all the trimmings made all by him (Jamie Oliver’s recipe book on hand of course).  He’ll also drink a beer but it’s a craft beer from a micro-brewery. Most importantly he’ll be all tough and strong but once you break into his shell you’ll find him to be all so sweet and especially gooey when it comes to you.

Verdict- This boy is day dream material. Guys want to be his mate and girls want to be with him.

White Chocolate & Salted Caramel Banoffee*

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(*ingredients- bananas, cashews, desiccated coconut, coconut oil, stevia, cacao butter, sesame, vanilla, dates, maca, mesquite, lucuma salt… Organic. Raw. Vegan. Gluten Free. Refined Sugar Free.)

If morning yoga, followed by hikes through nature and hemp clothing are your thing then this is the guy for you. He cares for issues deeply (like deep down in his soul deeply) from the environment to the latest posting on Humans of New York- he cares. There is no faking it with this guy.  So get ready to be your authentic self or he’ll see right through your aura.   You’ll green juice, chia seed infuse and meditate till your body is a temple. If you’re ready to learn to be grateful and #blessed this could be wonderful.

Verdict- If your ready to make good living your vice this relationship is for you.

Strawberry watermelon cake with rose-scented cream at Black Star Pastry.

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I’ve got one word. Hipster. He’s an urban boy. He likes fashion, grooming and coffee. He has a sense of style and even cares about home design. You’ll spy a coffee table with art books on it when you go around to his place to watch that French film he told you about. Weekends will be filled talking politics over wine and cheese and going to the latest cocktail bar to open near his place. This guy will be on a first name basis with either his hairdresser or tattoo artist (or both). At first you won’t be sure if he’s the guy for you as he’s like nothing you’ve encountered before. But once you’ve had a taste, you’ll want more. He surprises you constantly and you love trying to figure him out.

Verdict- He is popular for a reason and he’ll be a hit with you.

Protein Brownies (aka cheat meal)

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This guy likes to work out. Fitness is very important to him. He’ll love music festivals, beach days and basically any activity that provides him with an excuse to take his shirt off. He’ll be fun to touch and you’ll enjoy showing him off to friends. However, you’ll always play second fiddle to his first love… the gym. His the sort of guy you think you want and at first he’ll be great. But his all about appearance and while he looks like something worth having it’s actually all show and no substance.

Verdict- Good to make your Ex jealous but unless you’re a gym junkie this won’t work out for you.

Espresso Martini

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Okay so technically this is a cocktail and not a cake. But you need to know about this guy. He’s a wild one, who doesn’t play by the rules and you’ll be like a moth to a flame. You’ll find him intense, having lots of energy and with the ability to loosen you up. Get with him and you’ll find yourself party hopping around town till dawn- he has a buzz about him that’s for sure. But be warned he’ll leave you with a hangover and impair your judgment.

Verdict: Good time guy- get out while your still dancing as the buzz will wear off.

Sponge cake from the supermarket

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He’s kinda dry and not very interesting. You’ll spend the date thinking if only you could change this or that (add some cream aka personality, maybe strawberries aka looks… the short answer is you can’t polish a turd). For you he is below average. You’ll find him overly sweet but in that fake preservative way.  Oh and he’s cheap. He won’t leave a tip or be generous to others. Worse still, he’ll either be dense or crumble to pieces.  You’ll be wishing you hadn’t meet him to begin with and not wasted your time.

Verdict- Try and avoid this one. It’s bad enough when you have to make nice with these types at a friends BBQs or work functions.

Spring chocolate forest

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Made up of- soft chocolate, hazelnut and almond, lavender and honey cream, blackberry sorbet, caramel and shiso vinegar jellies, green tea, liquorice, chocolate twigs, bronze fennel, snap dragons.

This guy will feel out of your league. He’s smart, funny, good looking and a leader among men.  He’ll be the talk of the town and nothing short of perfection. Don’t be afraid because he seems complex. It’s really all just show and once you dive in you’ll enjoy yourself. You’ll see ladies always glancing his way but don’t worry it’s you on his arm!

Verdict- He’s unique and refined. If you’re comfortable in his world and ready for the finer things this one could be for you.

Hey! You didn’t cover my favourite style of cake…

Maybe you’re more a cheese cake person or might be left wondering why lemon  meringue pie isn’t on this list? Truth be told cakes are as complex as guys. They both come in more shapes, tastes and sizes then you and I have time to analyse. Just know that there is a dessert that is perfect for you and half the fun will be in the taste test!

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